The Devil’s Beatitudes

I cannot take credit for this (The Devil’s Beatitudes), as it came across my computer screen in studying for last Sunday’s sermon.  If and when I find out who wrote these, I will give credit where credit is due.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to just stay thinking the same old way, all the time?  Sometimes it is good to think outside the box.  Occasionally someone comes along who thinks from the other side of the paradigm, brings things into a different light, and that different perspective can really make one think.  CS Lewis did this very thing in his now significantly powerful and antithetically written Screwtape Letters.  When one reads, thinks, and acts from a  stale, closed minded perspective, one can be lulled and pacified.  Lewis brought folks to life mentally and spiritually when his two main characters talk with eery similarity to the way many current Evangelical Christian might.  Such banter really made many folks see their role in spiritual warfare come to life. 

A similar mind shaking document, albeit significantly smaller, is one called The Devil’s Beatitudes.  Someone took the time to rewrite the oft quoted beatitudes of Jesus and made them so thought provoking, it is very convicting.  So many times someone of high moral character does something they don’t think is sinful or ungodly, when in fact it may be.  But they have gotten away with such ungodliness, they become numb to it and the conviction which  the Holy Spirit is pouring out on them, the call to godliness is ignored. 

Here is the list.  I suggest reading through it slowly and devotionally.  Let the Holy Spirit speak to you.  If you sense familiarity with one of the ideas- stop, pray, and ask Father to help you with changing the anti-kingdom blessing into a life-giving one. 

The Devil’s Beatitudes

1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend even an hour once a week with their fellow Christians – they are my best workers.

2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked — I can use them.

3. Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church –for they are my missionaries.

4. Blessed are the trouble makers – for they shall be called my children.

5. Blessed are the complainers –for their complaints are music to my ears.

6. Blessed are those who keep a list of the preachers mistakes — for they get nothing out of his sermons.

7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church – for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

8. Blessed are those who gossip — for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.

9. Blessed are those who are easily offended — for they will soon get angry and quit.

10. Blessed are those who do not give an offering to carry on God’s work – for in stealing from God you steal for me.

11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister — for he shall be with me forever.

12. Blessed are you who, when you hear this, think the preacher is talking about someone other than you– for I’ve got you right where I want you.